Zach the dog: How do I break up with my girlfriend?

Dear Paws to Talk,

I have been dating my girlfriend (who I prefer not to name) for 6 months. She is smart, funny and has a lovely fur coat. Overall, she is a wonderful canine, However, I don’t have romantic feelings for her anymore.

I know that I need to break up with her for both of our sakes but I don’t know how. Last week, I took her for premium chow outside of our yards figuring that over a nice meal I could end it. At least then, her tummy would be full even if her heart might be broken.

But I couldn’t do it. I knew it would be hard. How do I break up with her?

-Zach the dog

Howl Zach,

I am relieved that you care enough about your girlfriend to ask for advice on how to deal with this difficult situation. Some men can be such wild animals.

No matter how painful it may be, most of us just want to know the truth. Don’t waste our time or say you are too busy to take us out of the yard for date night because in reality you don’t care about the relationship anymore.

Before you do anything, make sure that you are ready for the relationship to end. Are you sure those romantic feelings have diminished? Can you live without seeing her gorgeous fur coat on a regular basis?

If breaking up is still the correct choice,then perk your ears up. Go to your girlfriend’s yard when she won’t be crowded by humans or other animals and tell her your feelings have changed.

Then just listen to what she has to say. When she is done crying, barking or reminiscing, tell her again how fabulous you think she is. Explain how you agonized over this. Be gentle and kind.

If you handle this sad situation with grace, it will help both of you to move on peacefully. Leave the gate to the yard open because you never know who may trot through it in the future.

Woof,

Bella

Bella

Byron the Boxer: I learned how to hold a conversation with ladies I like! My exclusive advice interview with Toby.

                                                     Byron the Boxer

Howl,

I am Toby, Bella and DiDi’s Poodle nephew. A couple of months ago, I answered the letter of Byron the Boxer who was having trouble conversing with the ladies. Clearly, Byron needed another guy’s help. As brilliant as I think Bella and DiDi are, this one was out of their yard.

I gave Byron some pick-up lines to use and I am proud to say they have helped. Earlier in the week, I interviewed Byron over the phone about his newfound social success. See it below.

Toby: So Byron did any of the pick-up lines work?

Byron: Yes!

Toby: Which ones?

Byron: “Did you just get a fur trim? Your coat has the perfect amount of fluffiness.”  That one was very flattering and appreciated.

Also..

“I know a great place where they give out treat samples. Would you like to join me there sometime?” This line was most helpful as it led to a date. Although, it was difficult to find a place that would give treat samples in my neighborhood.

Toby: Byron, I hope you didn’t promise a lady something and then not follow through?

Byron: No, I found a way to make sure we had a nice table with an assortment of treat samples.

Toby: Okay, I can breathe again. There is nothing worse than starting a great conversation and then having it end with no treats and a disappointed date.

Were there any pick-up lines that didn’t work?

Byron: Yes. “Your human(s) are very well-mannered. You did a good job training them.” Apparently, training humans is an ongoing process and they only act well sometimes in public. How was I supposed to know?

Toby: That is the risk with some conversation starters. You never know if you are stepping in poop or about to stride on the path to love. At least you made an effort.

So how have you changed your approach to speaking with ladies you like?

Byron: I feel more confident now that I have some ideas on how to start a discussion instead of standing there speechless acting like I have a giant chew toy in my mouth. Also, I have learned how to listen more to what the ladies are saying. The pressure doesn’t always have to be on me to speak.

Toby: That is right. You have large ears so why not use them?

Byron: Exactly, mine work really well too.

Toby: I am very happy that you are doing so well socializing with the females and getting back to dating. I wish you continued luck.

Byron: Thanks Toby.

Woof,

Toby

 

 

 

 

 

 

© Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sheila the Cat: I’m dating online but not connecting with anyone I like. Should I continue?

Dear Paws to Talk,

I have been a single feline for quite a while so at the urging of my friends I joined an online dating site.

It has been fun to look at the gorgeous and interesting males on the site. I have written to many but the ones I like never write back.

Instead, I seem to get messages in my mailbox from men that I am not attracted to. I don’t want to sound superficial but I like a guy that is not losing his fur, doesn’t crack jokes about his time in the litter box and wants to accomplish goals in life. Why is that too much to ask for?

I am not sure how to meet my mate at this point. I know many animals and humans who have met their mates online. Should I continue the online dating?

-Sheila the Cat

Howl Sheila,

We’re glad you wrote to us. Even though our kind is supposed to disagree with your kind, we find ourselves relating to your question as we are two single ladies too.

It is one of the great mysteries of our time as to why it can be so difficult to find the right mate. We are determined to get to the bottom of this, even if we have to dig night and day in our yard to find the buried answer.

It is terrific that you are putting yourself out there. If you stay hiding behind the sofa or in your carpeted cat tower then no mate will ever find you.

We think you should stick with the online dating. It seems to be an effective tool even though it may not work wonders right away.

In addition to that, do some other things to help find your mate. If there is an activity you enjoy or cause your believe in (Perhaps, a litter box etiquette group?) then join the groups that participate in these things.This way you can meet some males who share your values.

Also, when you are looking out the window or out with your humans, keep your eyes wide. You never know when the right guy will appear.

Do they have magical powers? We have heard so many stories of men appearing at the right time in a woman’s life.

What can we say? It can be hard being a single woman these days. However, don’t lose hope. Also, don’t settle for a feline that doesn’t make your heart flutter.

We’ll keep digging for a solution. If all else fails let’s get together and have a single ladies’ night on the town.

Woof,

Bella and DiDi

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

© Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Gus the Bulldog: What do women really want?

Dear Paws to Talk,

I just got dumped by my girlfriend. I am so confused. Just a few weeks ago, she told me that she wanted a tough guy. Admittedly, I am not really a tough guy at heart but knew how to beef (yum) up my manliness.

I worked out more, spent less time cuddling with her and exchanged all my plush toys for rawhide bones.

One night while we were out with friends, I made sure everyone knew she was mine. I clinched her collar with my teeth and led her to our next hang out destination. I felt guilty about doing this but I thought she was impressed with my manly domination.

A week later, she left me, saying that her needs weren’t being met. She wanted someone more sensitive. Why didn’t she see that I am truly a sensitive guy and that I only became more macho for her? What do women really in a man?

-Gus the Bulldog

Howl Gus,

See three different answers below. One each from Bella, DiDi and our Poodle nephew Toby.

 

Bella: I think women want a smart, funny and athletic man who has most of his fur still intact. Personally, if he knows how to play a good game  fetch that is a bonus. I think when men act macho they are hiding something.

 

 

 

DiDi: I want a man who can play all day. Tug of war, fetch and hide and seek. You name it! If it is a fun game let’s play. Also, he has to be comfortable hiding in the bushes with me as that is one of my favorite things to do. If a man is willing to have fun day after day then he is perfect or me.

 

 

Toby: In my experience, women want the sweet guy. Sometimes they lose their minds and think the macho guy is better. Usually, women come back later for the nice guy.

They want an adorable face that will listen to them and give kisses. I have been blessed with a precious face, toned body and glorious fur coat so I am ahead of the game.

However, I believe every guy is able to be sweet even if they have a beefy look. Then again, what do I know? I’m just a man.

Woof,

Bella, DiDi and Toby

© Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Byron the Boxer: I need some new pick-up lines. Can you help?

Dear Paws to Talk,

After the end of a long relationship,I have recently entered the dating scene again. My skills are rusty to say the least.

The hardest part is starting a conversation with a female I am interested in. I stand there in front of this woman like I have a giant chew toy in my mouth preventing me from speaking.

Can you suggest some pick-up lines I can use to end my chew toy mouth?

-Byron the Boxer

Howl Byron,

It’s Toby the Poodle here. Bella and DiDi thought this was a letter that deserved a man’s response. I agree.

In my experience (trust me you want my experience because the females flock to me), it is best to start a natural conversation. For instance, when you find yourself walking next to a female in the park or encountering one in the pet store, this is a good time for a chat.

Women don’t like to feel awkward or nervous while you have chew toy mouth. On the other paw, an ambush with stupid pick-up lines won’t do either.

Please see below my most successful conversation starters.

“Would you like to share this half-eaten sandwich I just snagged from the trash?”

“Did you just get a fur trim? Your coat has the perfect amount of fluffiness.”

“Your human(s) are very well-mannered. You did a good job training them.”

“You must have picked out that collar you are wearing because it is very stylish.”

“I know a great place where they give out treat samples. Would you like to join me there sometime?”

“Is it okay if I say hello?” Then sniff the behind.

“That dental bone you chew is working wonders because I can see my reflection in your teeth.”

I hope these gems help you land some wonderful females.

Woof,

Toby

 

 

 

 

 

 

© Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coco the Mixed Breed Dog: He didn’t bark back. What should I do?

Dear Paws to Talk,

For the past several months, I have been carrying on conversations with one of the male  canines in my neighborhood. At first, I was attracted to him solely for his ripped body and handsome face.

Then I discovered how much I enjoyed barking with him. We barked about all kinds of topics. I had a wonderful time whenever he was around. He knew how to make me laugh and smile.

A few weeks ago, I decided to be the brave and asked him out for ice cream. He said yes.  I was thrilled!

After, weeks of silence, I barked to follow-up about our date. He never barked back. I even left my paw print on his front door to remind him that I was still interested.

Still, no response. No barking. No return paw print. Nothing. What happened? What should I do?

-Coco the Mixed Breed Dog

Howl Coco,

We’re so glad that you have reached out to us for advice on this subject. Not only have we experienced this but so have some of our humans. It can be heartbreaking.

We are going to give you three different perspectives (including one from a male) on what to do in a situation like this.  Here we go.

Bella: Coco I think you are a strong canine for seeing something you want and having the courage to go after it. Not everyone has the ability to do that.

Even though, it doesn’t feel this way right now, everything happens for a reason. Some say this is a cliché saying or belief. However, I have read a lot of philosophy books and I find this principle to be accurate.

The time you spent getting to know this male was not a waste. The experience will always be a part of the your fabric. Maybe you will learn something valuable from it?

It is hard to understand why he is ignoring you. You will never know unless he tells you. I wouldn’t count on that.

For now, focus on moving on to a happier place. Have your humans give you belly rubs, enjoy the company of true friends and use a chew toy to exert your anger.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

DiDi: These males! Where do they get off setting us up for a nice time and then disappearing? Seriously, if you are not interested in this fine bundle of fur, then just say so. We would rather know upfront.

If your feelings changed or an old flame came back into your life, then bark and tell us. Why can’t males communicate in a polite and timely way? A simple bark or set of paw prints is all we need.

Females just want to know if they are standing in a rose garden or in a pile of poop. I don’t think that is too much to ask for.

I suggest you put on your finest collar and hit the neighborhood with your friends. Go out. Try to have some fun. Remember that you are a spunky, brave and worthwhile female. He’s just some dog.

                          Josh

Josh the Bouvier Dog (Our trustworthy neighbor): First of all, thank you Bella and DiDi for allowing me to give the male perspective. Coco, I hope I can help you.

Males are really very simple. They act on primal urges. Unlike, females, most of the time they lack the ability to know when a matter is time-sensitive. For example, barking back three weeks later about the details of a date sometimes doesn’t register in our minds as inappropriate.

We get caught up in the moment. The ball game happening in the yard. The cute new neighbor walking by in her sexy collar. It is easy for us to become distracted.

This male could like you very much but be nervous about the date. So he is putting it off. He may not have the skills to deal with this anxiety.

However, if he is completely ignoring you after your thorough attempts to make the date happen, I would say he is not interested. This likely has nothing to do with you otherwise, he wouldn’t have paid attention in the first place. It is his shortcoming.

I think he is missing out.

© Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Juli the Human: Should I forgive my boyfriend?

Dear Paws to Talk,

My boyfriend has broken my heart. He was unfaithful to me and our relationship. When I knew something was off and confronted him, he told me I was crazy. Actually, I was right about what happened. I am so upset that he hurt me so badly.  What makes it worse is that I know the other woman in this scenario.

Of course, now that he has been caught, he is begging for my forgiveness. I love him very much but don’t know if I can get past this incident. Should I forgive him?

-Juli the Human

Howl Juli,

I have a lot of experience with boyfriends so I can help you with this very difficult situation. DiDi doesn’t date too much so it is hard for her to grasp how tough it can be.

First of all, animals and humans make mistakes. As much as someone may appear to have a perfectly groomed coat and adorable wet nose undoubtedly they have faults

However, someone who loves you doesn’t go out of their way to hurt you. That is the last thing they would want. You have to ask yourself honestly if your boyfriend really loves you? You’ll find an answer in your gut, right around the place where your kibble settles after a good meal.

The next thing to ponder is do you really love him after he did this to you? It can be comfortable to hold onto someone who you have history with even if they act like a scoundrel. Although it may hurt like getting a shot at the vet, I think you are better off leaving this situation.

Should you do this, it will take some time to adjust. You will be sad. It seems like the best thing for you since you have been so upset by your boyfriend’s actions. There will be a fresh start and a new stud in your future.

Once you have settled into your new situation without the cheating boyfriend, try to forgive him on some level. You never have to accept what he did. You certainly shouldn’t forget it but carrying around anger and sadness is not good for you. You need to find a way to forgive him for your own well-being. This also will take time.

I am so sorry you’re heart is broken. With each day that passes you will find that it start to become whole again. If this is not working then DiDi and I will come over with superglue and put the stray pieces back together. Hang in there!

Woof,

Bella

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

© Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.