Sabrina the Human: I need 5 engery-boosting tips to finish this exhausting week.

Dear Paws to Talk,

I am in the middle of one of the busiest weeks of my life. I have so much to do before Sunday ends and am losing my energy.

Between my paying job, a looming deadline for the business I am starting, my family and keeping the house in order, I feel like I have nothing left to give. I am working 16 hour days and need some help to finish off the week.

There are 5 more days left of craziness. Can you give me 5 tips to help me boost my energy and accomplish everything?

-Sabrina the Human

Howl Sabrina,

Whatever you do in the midst of your busy week, don’t forget to feed your pets! Most of us aren’t as good as our ancestors were at hunting down dinner.

It seems like life has given you everyone else’s work to do this week. That doesn’t seem fair. We will try to see if we can file a grievance.

Here are your tips to make sure you survive the remainder of this week with grace and poise.

1. Take a short nap either after your lunch kibble or before your dinner kibble. Nap for no more that 30 minutes on the couch. If you go to bed and sleep longer than 30 minutes you probably won’t get up until morning.

2. Treat yourself to something special. You may think this is the wrong week to be doing this. However, a massage, facial or special meal is probably just the thing to rejuvenate your tired mind and body. The massage usually works for us every time when the humans stress us out.

3. Chase something. For us, this is easy because we have pesky squirrels invading our yard every morning. An invigorating run with a purpose in mind gets the blood flowing. If you don’t have a squirrel to chase then pick out a tree or building to run to.

4. When you are done for the day, be done! Sometimes we go to bed contemplating tomorrow’s blog or if the humans will remember to feed us the good kibble for breakfast. This is wasted time in which we could be getting our beauty sleep. Close your eyes and dream of something nice.

5. Bark it out! You have a lot going on. When it feels like you can’t do anymore, find a friend who understands and bark about the situation. You will feel much lighter, like someone removed your leash and collar.

Best of luck with the rest of the week!

Woof,

Bella and DiDi

Bella

DiDi

Kisses the Persian Cat: I know a secret. Do I spill?

Dear Paws to Talk,

I live with a dog named Terrance. We have always had a good friendship until a week ago. He showed our humans how I like to run and cling onto the screen door with my paws. I usually hang on the screen with my claws dug in for a while. It is fun. Apparently, this ruins the door. How was I supposed to know? The humans got angry at me and now make sure the screen door is off-limits. My spirits have been down.

The other day when I was making myself comfortable on the couch I noticed something under the cushion. There were 4 dinner rolls that Terrence stole. I watch him just before dinner time and he is fast. His face is in and out of that bread basket before I can say meow. He really likes bread. Our mommy is always upset when the bread goes missing before dinner is on the table. She suspects it is Terrence but thinks it could be a hungry little human. Horror of horrors she might think it is me.

I have dirt on Terrence. Maybe if I show the humans what he has done I will get my screen back? Should I spill this secret information?

-Kisses the Persian Cat

Howl Kisses,

I’m sorry you lost your screen and that Terrence told on you. You do have knowledge that might level things if you share it but spilling secrets can be tricky. Things don’t always play out the way you think they will.

Often, while no one was looking, DiDi used to relax on our human mommy’s favorite and flawlessly upholstered couch. I always knew this but one day when I was angry I decided put an end to DiDi’s leisure. I lured my mommy into the sitting room just in time to see DiDi in the act. She was furious at DiDi! I thought my mission was accomplished.

Except the next day, mommy took all the cushions on every couch and chair in the house and turned them on their sides so no one could lay on the furniture. That meant my favorite cushy chair in the corner was no longer available for lounging. I hurt both DiDi and myself.

You are upset but remember that you love Terrence. I recommend telling him how you feel instead of getting him in trouble with the humans. This will make you feel better and if Terrence is a good canine he will feel sorry he told on you.

You are a team. Secrets can lead you to a dark place.

If Terrence doesn’t show remorse after your talk then sit in his kibble bowl at dinner time and he’ll get the idea.

Woof,

Bella

Bella and DiDi: Butt in! But out!

Howl,

Alright, we know, us dogs butt in a lot. It is how we say hello and make sure we know who has joined our pack.

However, a butt in is not the same as a but in. For starters, the smell is different. A but in smells like nothing where a butt in has a particular scent that teaches us so much such as what you ate for breakfast, how you are feeling and what type of species you are.

But ins rarely serve anyone well unless an emergency is involved. When have you ever felt happy in the midst of a but in?

The but in hurts feelings, creates anger and is fueled by speculation. The butt in is a useful tool.

Next time you think of pulling a but in, be sophisticated like us canines and go for the butt in.

Woof,

Bella and DiDi

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

© Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Byron the Boxer: I learned how to hold a conversation with ladies I like! My exclusive advice interview with Toby.

                                                     Byron the Boxer

Howl,

I am Toby, Bella and DiDi’s Poodle nephew. A couple of months ago, I answered the letter of Byron the Boxer who was having trouble conversing with the ladies. Clearly, Byron needed another guy’s help. As brilliant as I think Bella and DiDi are, this one was out of their yard.

I gave Byron some pick-up lines to use and I am proud to say they have helped. Earlier in the week, I interviewed Byron over the phone about his newfound social success. See it below.

Toby: So Byron did any of the pick-up lines work?

Byron: Yes!

Toby: Which ones?

Byron: “Did you just get a fur trim? Your coat has the perfect amount of fluffiness.”  That one was very flattering and appreciated.

Also..

“I know a great place where they give out treat samples. Would you like to join me there sometime?” This line was most helpful as it led to a date. Although, it was difficult to find a place that would give treat samples in my neighborhood.

Toby: Byron, I hope you didn’t promise a lady something and then not follow through?

Byron: No, I found a way to make sure we had a nice table with an assortment of treat samples.

Toby: Okay, I can breathe again. There is nothing worse than starting a great conversation and then having it end with no treats and a disappointed date.

Were there any pick-up lines that didn’t work?

Byron: Yes. “Your human(s) are very well-mannered. You did a good job training them.” Apparently, training humans is an ongoing process and they only act well sometimes in public. How was I supposed to know?

Toby: That is the risk with some conversation starters. You never know if you are stepping in poop or about to stride on the path to love. At least you made an effort.

So how have you changed your approach to speaking with ladies you like?

Byron: I feel more confident now that I have some ideas on how to start a discussion instead of standing there speechless acting like I have a giant chew toy in my mouth. Also, I have learned how to listen more to what the ladies are saying. The pressure doesn’t always have to be on me to speak.

Toby: That is right. You have large ears so why not use them?

Byron: Exactly, mine work really well too.

Toby: I am very happy that you are doing so well socializing with the females and getting back to dating. I wish you continued luck.

Byron: Thanks Toby.

Woof,

Toby

 

 

 

 

 

 

© Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Bella and DiDi: Venting session!

           Bella: Time to vent! I have a lot of things to shake out of my fur.

                            DiDi: Follow me to the special venting place!

Howl,

Whether you are a dog, cat, human or porcupine, everyone needs to vent their emotions. Thankfully, we have each other to vent to when the humans are off doing whatever humans do.

Here was what we covered in our latest session.

Bella: Why is everyone talking about Sandy? She is our dog walker but did she do something to get on the news? I even heard someone call her a hurricane.

DiDi: That’s not nice! I hope she walks us through the park today. I love smelling the leaves!

Bella: Woof!

DiDi: I don’t want to start my Christmas shopping but they have all the decorations out in the store.

Bella: Oh, I know! Now this year we have an extra human (Cooper) and canine (Toby the Poodle) to buy for.

DiDi: Have you noticed that they took the grains out of our food?

Bella: I don’t understand why all of sudden they decided to do this. I bet pre-historic dogs ate grains. Why can’t we?

DiDi: I am so cranky! I miss the extra carbs! I want to eat a loaf of bread and slather it in butter (my favorite)!

Bella: I am heartbroken that Justin Timberlake is married. He was always my human celebrity crush.

DiDi: He’s cute but I never got into boy bands. Pick a new crush. How about George Clooney?

Bella: Oh, perfect!

DiDi: I’m sticking to my choice – the Pillsbury Doughboy.

Bella: Adorable and delicious.

Woof,

Bella and DiDi

© Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Maximus the Mixed Breed Dog: I’m talking but no one is listening! How can I change this?

Dear Paws to Talk,

I love to talk. In fact, I think I have an excellent vocabulary and can add a lot to a conversation.

When the humans gather and start moving their mouths so do I. It would be rude not to participate in the discussion. I make sure not to bark as I have learned that a bark can clear a room out faster than I can eat a treat. However, I do talk.

I must admit that my conversational voice does sound like a rambling cat with a pitch problem but I can’t help that. Quality ideas emanate from my mouth even if they sound strange.

The humans just laugh at me, carry on talking to each other and eventually ask me to be quiet. How frustrating!

To be a part of the discussion, I have tried changing my seat hoping that viewing me from a different spot will make them forget my funny voice. Also, I make sure to chew on a dental bone so my breath is fresh for the conversation.

None of this matters. They still laugh at me and don’t listen to my thoughts. How do I change this?

-Maximus the Mixed Breed Dog

Howl Maximus,

Whether you are a dog or human, many beings are not taken seriously and listened to. This is a rude part of our world. We believe that every voice counts even if you sound like a cat.

If the accounts below regarding our experiences with conversation don’t help, then remember you can always start your own blog.

Bella: Even though I have an airy voice that works well in conversations, I tend to squeak when talking. If the humans don’t want me around while I’m speaking then I go to the toy basket and chat with my plush toys. They always listen.

However, I always reappear when the humans are in conversation and add my opinion. I am very knowledgeable about politics, law and manners at the dinner table. Sometimes taking a break in the conversation creates the perfect opening for you to be heard.

DiDi: I have a very deep voice. I can’t help it. My humans like to do impressions of my rich voice when they talk to me. They think they are funny so I let them have their moment.

Because I sound like Baritone, it is easy for me to be heard. However, the humans say I’m too loud (it is always something). Because I feel my speaking time is limited I have learned to get my point across in short yet crisp sentences. This always seems to work.

Also, I take short breaks to fill my lungs with air but I don’t stop talking until I am done. I figure the humans will want to know that I found a Raccoon in the yard and that I broke up with my boyfriend.

Whether you sound like a pip-squeak like Bella or a lumberjack like me, remember that a worthwhile discussion includes many different voices.

Woof,

Bella and DiDi

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

© Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

A.J. the Australian Shepherd: Should I get a cell phone?

Dear Paws to Talk,

My humans always have their paws all over these things called cell phones. They are constantly barking at them.

I used to get tons of praise from my humans on our daily walks. Now, they yap on their cell phone while I trot along.

Are these cell phones really that important? Should I get one so I won’t lose touch?

-A.J. the Australian Shepherd 

Howl,

We have different opinions on this issue. See below.

Bella: I think you should get a cell phone. It is just another way to keep track of your humans. Also, it might save you some extra barking when trying to communicate with your neighborhood friends.

Just don’t become a rabid animal with the cell phone. Use it only when you need it. If kibble is present, than stash the cell phone away.

I am for communication in all forms just as long as manners are still enforced.

DiDi: A cell phone! Why would you want a cell phone? We are dogs, which means we don’t have to deal with the silly things the humans do such as cell phones.

If your humans are obsessed with their cell phones, then bury them in the yard. You should be their main focal point.

Use the voice your were born with to communicate. Howl and bark at the top of our lungs. Tell the world that you are a tech-free, nature dog. That is the best way to be.

What do you think? Should A.J. get a cell phone?

Woof,

Bella and DiDi

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

© Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Margot Ahlquist and Paws to Talk with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.